Everything You Could Possibly Want To Know About Relationships

Start the New Year Off Right Proven Tactics to Save Your Marriage-Chispa MagazineRelationships are complicated. They are different for every individual couple. Each couple has different ideas for the future, plans, things they want to do and places they want to go. The one thing I think everybody can agree on though, is that they want their relationship to last. Relationships don’t always last, unfortunately. They can teach us so much about ourselves and what we want though, which means they are never a waste of time. If you’d like to give your relationship the best chance of standing the test of time, the following information can help you.

You Need To Be Happy Alone First
You’re in the strongest position to enter into a relationship when you’re totally happy alone. When you can enjoy your life and your own company without worrying about when ‘the one’ will come along. Then you’ll enter into a relationship because you want to, and not because you feel you need to. You don’t need anybody to validate your existence. Always work on being happy in your own company if you feel like you need a relationship or somebody there to entertain you.

Loving Yourself Is Important
Loving yourself is really important too. If there are lots of things you don’t like about yourself, work on them. Change negative thoughts to positive. Build up your confidence and self esteem. Find reasons to adore yourself more than anybody else. You should always be the love of your life. It’s an old saying, but true; ‘you can’t expect anybody else to love you if you don’t love yourself’. When you love yourself, you’ll attract the same kind of great people too.

You Should Know Your Partner’s ‘Love Language’
When you’re in a relationship, there are lots of different ways you can both show your love for one another. Some people like it when their partner does little odd jobs for them. That means more to them than actually being told they are loved. Somebody else might prefer the complete opposite. There are books and quizzes out there that will allow you to find your partner’s love language, so do a little research and see what you come up with. When you both know one another’s love language and bear it in mind, you’ll both feel like your needs are met. You might think you’re doing all you can to show your partner that you love them, but if it isn’t their love language, they might not see it the way you do.

We Accept The Love We Feel We Deserve
You only accept the love you feel you deserve. This is why loving yourself is important; so you accept healthy love. If you don’t like yourself at all, what kind of love will you accept? Jealous, needy, controlling love? These relationships are not healthy.

When The Chemicals Wear Off, The ‘Real’ Relationship Starts
There are chemicals at the start of every relationship. These are the chemicals that make you feel in love and happy and like you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. After a few years, the chemicals begin to wear off. Once this happens, the things you once loved about your partner can become annoying. This is when the arguments usually start. This is the real relationship. Real, long term relationships take work. Those chemicals aren’t going to last forever, so you need to be willing to work on your relationship for it to stand the test of time. Real love isn’t like a fairytale!

Friendships Make Relationships Last Longer
Of course being lovers is important, but so is friendship. If you’re not good friends with your partner, then what’s the point? You should have things in common and be able to talk about different things like you would a friend. The relationship is unlikely to last long if the friendship isn’t there first.

Unconditional Love Is Key
Unconditional love is the key to long lasting love. The thing with most relationships is that the couple promise to love one another under conditions. For instance, love one another providing they act a certain way, do certain things, etc. Unconditional love means you love them whatever they are doing. This isn’t to say you should unconditionally love an abusive partner. To assess whether your love is healthy or not, ask yourself how jealous, controlling, and negative your relationship can be in general. Unconditional love isn’t any of those things.

Holding On Too Tightly Will Cause Your Partner To Pull Away
It’s commonplace in relationships for the pair to live in one another’s pockets. Partners regularly argue about holidays and nights out with friends. Holding on to your partner too tightly will cause them to pull away. Whether either of you realize it or not, this air of desperation is exactly what dooms relationships. Love with an open palm. If it’s real, unconditional love, it’ll last. Freedom in relationships is important for both parties.

Relationships Will Bring The Worst Out In You
Although we’d all like to imagine that our relationships will be like a fairytale, relationships will bring out the worst in you. They’ll bring out insecurities in both parties. They may even bring up troubles and traumas from childhood. The important thing is to work through these issues. This is essential if you want the relationship to last. It can be easy to take them out on your partner, and accuse them of making you feel that way. But nobody can make you feel anything you don’t want to feel. It’s up to you to work out why you feel the way you do, and work through it. This is why most relationships fail. People are not willing to look at themselves on a deeper level and work on what’s going on. If you can do this, you’ll have a much stronger relationship!

Pick Your Battles
It’s so easy to pick at every little thing that remotely annoys you about your partner. In many cases, you may not even realize that you’re doing it. Making a note of when your partner annoys you and asking yourself why you think it’s bothered you so much could help. After all, the fact they’ve left a wet towel on your side of the bed is probably not the real issue. Do you regularly feel like they disregard you? Work out the issue, but don’t go pointing fingers. Look deeper within yourself to try to solve the issue.

Communication Is Essential
One of the biggest breakdowns in relationships is due to lack of communication. Some couples think that they communicate, but they don’t say what they really mean. Make sure you say what you mean, without sugar coating it, hinting, or pointing fingers. You’ll get better results this way.

Choose The Words You Use Carefully
When you get comfortable with someone, it can be easy to stop paying attention to the words you use. Calling your partner stupid might not seem like a big deal, but this can be really damaging in the long term. Pay more attention and be more mindful of the words you use. Your relationship will be better for it.

Don’t ‘Let Yourself Go’
Comfortable relationships tend to mean people begin to let themselves go. Whether this is weight gain, or even just not taking as much care in appearance, it’s easily done. Don’t let yourself go. Maintaining yourself properly is a great way to keep up the excitement in a relationship. Dress up for your partner, especially when you go on a date or do something together. You don’t have to go all out, but acting like you care about what they think, even after years together will make a huge difference. Sure, they’ll love you no matter what, but making an effort is still important.

Snooping Is Wrong
Snooping is usually down to one member of the relationship feeling insecure for some reason. Snooping will always backfire. Instead of feeling compelled to do this, say what you really feel instead. Don’t blame, but tell your partner the way you’re feeling and why you think you feel that way. Do it when you’re both relaxed and in good moods, or this conversation could go wrong. Hopefully, your partner will put your mind to rest. However, if you feel like something is off or they get super defensive, it might be time to reconsider your relationship. You can’t change a person. Read here for relationship help similar to this.

Quality Time Is Paramount
Quality time with your other half is paramount. Put the phone down. Spend time eating dinner together and talking, rather than watching TV. Don’t get stuck in a relationship rut.

It’s Always Worth The Effort
Working on your relationship is always worth the effort. Providing you’re both willing and happy the majority of the time, working on any faults or issues will always be worth it in the end. If you feel like you’re not getting anything back from your partner, then the answer could be to walk away. You’ll find this easier to do if you work on loving yourself, as discussed earlier. 

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Mia Guerra

Mia Guerra

Executive Editor at Chispa Magazine
Executive Editor at Chispa Magazine, Mia Guerra is a writer at heart. Regardless the topic, she loves to investigate, encourage, and ruminate on topics that can make us better people. Aiming to live a Proverbs 31 life, Mia is ecstatic to be following her calling with Chispa. At home she is her husband's sidekick and together they are raising a God-fearing family in Atlanta.

Mia Guerra

Executive Editor at Chispa Magazine, Mia Guerra is a writer at heart. Regardless the topic, she loves to investigate, encourage, and ruminate on topics that can make us better people. Aiming to live a Proverbs 31 life, Mia is ecstatic to be following her calling with Chispa. At home she is her husband's sidekick and together they are raising a God-fearing family in Atlanta.