Love is the most sought after primal function of the human condition. It’s sparkly, glittery, beautiful, and amazing at its core. But if these things are all true, how could we possibly love, or even, be loved too much? The popular “too much of a good thing” mantra is true. When you’ve eaten too much ice cream, you become sick. When you get too much sun, your skin burns. When you see someone too often, you lose your own identity. Too much love is in fact possible, and if you’re not careful it can throw your relationships out of balance. Here are five signs to watch out for.
- You fall in love far too easily and quickly.
Velocity can be the biggest indicator that there are problems in your relationship. Healthy love doesn’t pile on in massive heaps the instant you meet someone. Love takes time to form. Love has to be groomed. And it is never easy, even if it is quick. Even if you’re feeling famished for attention, slow things down so you have time to think.
- When attracted to someone, you ignore all the warning signs.
Maybe you saw the red flags, even if only a quick subtle flash—the warning signs were there, and probably slapped you in the face. But there’s no need to chastise yourself for getting involved with someone you shouldn’t have been involved with in the past. All you can do is learn from it. To stop the pattern, first you must find out how to recognize these signs that the relationship isn’t a good fit. If you can do this, you’ll be better off in the long run.
- You’re often drawn to relationships with people who can’t commit.
Love addicts are victims of their own fantasies. They desperately cling to the delusion that true love will fix everything. They invest all their time and energy on the person they’re addicted to, and make this person their top priority, regardless of whether or not their feelings are reciprocated. But eventually, this one-sided affection becomes to draining on everyone involved. Watch out for the warning signs that your partner is unwilling to commit.
- When you’re in love, you only see what you want to see.
Perhaps every relationship becomes your all, causing you to feel controlled. It feels like true love—exciting, hyper, and hungry. You become giddy, juiced on adrenaline, almost manic, precisely the way you think you should feel. But, watch out. You may be bordering near the line of obsession, which leaves you in a vulnerable position.
- When in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner.
You might see men who are cautious, reticent, or undemonstrative, and want to pounce. You’ll feel captivated from the get-go, and the more they withhold, the hungrier you’ll get. But as time wears on, the more you smother, the more distant he’ll get. That’s not love—no matter how badly you want it to be. That is what it means to love too much.
Photo by Alejandra Quiroz